Finding home

As a child or teenager the answer to the question “Where is your home? ” is as straight-forward as it gets . Your address XXX-Y, ZZZZZ ZZZZZ, Jhansi, UP, India is your home . End of the story. But this question gets trickier as you come out of the protected environment of the house. Anything and anyone can become your home – your college where you spent some amazing 4 years,  your smelly dorm room, your friends with whom you did some of the stupidest things,that special someone whom you can go on bull-shitting  with forever without getting bored or that work that you love doing. Its just somewhere you can go, relax,  rant out and let yourself be without having to put on some kind of a mask. You know you are safe there. That’s your spot !

But I think that that’s not it. I have come to believe that your home can only be within yourself. All the other things are too fragile. We may be comfortable in that place or with that someone, but those are like the local minima in the space, the true global minimum is within . And like any non-convex optimisation, it is easy to get stuck in the local minimum . And what more is helpful than being shaken out of that local minimum, unwillingly,  but just so that we can continue that journey towards the global minimum. You know that movie – Finding Dory. I think its not about Dory finding her family . Its about finding what she does best, about trusting that it will be okay and having the courage to go beyond her limits. Its about doing what she want to do despite her limitations, its about finding a way . Its about overcoming her fear of being alone and getting lost , its about finding trust in herself.  I could not help notice the number of times she asks herself, “What would Dory do ? ” whenever she gets stuck. Its about Dory finding Dory.

A couple of weeks back, I was filling up my journal with a lot of anger, hatred  and confusion . There was a lot of over thinking which led to self-loathing and some serious words. But while I was in my puddle, suddenly from somewhere within, a strong urge, a voice came out asserting -“I believe.”  Now, this was new !! Amidst the web of all the negativity, it was astonishing to hear a voice saying that. It was strong, it was confident, it was really confident ! Perhaps, the home was nearby .


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